So, I moved to Los Angeles…
The short of it:
It’s been something I’d been contemplating, anticipating, and putting off for years.
It makes sense for where I am mentally, emotionally, and professionally at the moment.
New York City was never the end goal for me. I still love NYC, and now I can go back to loving it the way I originally did — as a visitor.
Check the date…
For those who have been in my social circle for the last several years, you have no doubt heard me mention that I was considering one day moving to LA. Why? For the same reason I moved to New York in 2014 — because I wanted to. There was no real reason for me to leave Virginia back then. I simply loved visiting NYC and decided I was ready to forgo suburban life, the only life I had ever known, for something exciting and new. Luckily in 2014, I had a job as an Instructional Designer and Learning Consultant that allowed me to be 100% remote, so while moving to NYC was on my own dime, it wasn’t something that required me to leave my job. My transition to NYC was rather seamless compared to others I know. I had a full time job, I secured an apartment in a convenient neighborhood through a friend’s friend (shout out to Nafeesah), and I already had a small social circle that multiplied itself rather quickly.
Memories from my first year living in NYC
[CatchGifUcan’s log - January 28, 2023]: I’m laying in my bed at the Beverly Hilton on a work trip slightly worrying about this being the wrong decision. “My life is just fine in New York. Why am I about to shake things up?”
During my time living in the concrete jungle, I frequented Los Angeles to visit friends and just to get a change of scenery. I saw myself starting to fall in love with the city, and the seeds were planted that eventually I’d move. The only problem was I was still in my honeymoon phase with NYC, and I wanted to make sure I got my full portion of life there before considering another move. Then, as I visited more, there were a few things that turned me off about LA: 1) Everything was more spread out. You had to be more intentional about seeing friends. 2) People seemed too transactional. It was like everyone you met was trying to improve their professional network or figure out how a friendship or relationship could be mutually beneficial. It was much like Washington, DC, only for entertainment. 3) I was afraid that I would miss out on being relatively close to my family, which is based in Virginia. And most importantly, 4) I was afraid I was going to move to LA and become lonely.
Brunching at Perch in LA with a friend back in 2016.
Since 2021, however, there was a shift in my thinking. I braved through the worst of the global pandemic in New York. I didn’t flea the city back to the suburbs like many other NY transplants did. I moved from Brooklyn to a larger more comfortable apartment in Harlem, and landed a new job that was more aligned with my values and strengths. It was at this time that I began reevaluating my stance on relocating. I started working in entertainment, and that called for me to travel to LA and Atlanta quite often. While only visiting LA, I began to build a larger social and professional circle. For a moment I considered moving to Atlanta…but that thought was pretty short-lived. I just didn’t connect as much with the city.
During my trips to the left coast early in 2022, some of my friends and co-workers were asking why I wouldn’t just move there, and I expressed to them that one major reason was because I didn’t want to move and then be lonely. So one of them told me to do a quick task of sitting and writing down the names of all the friends I have in LA already. Later that evening, I went to my iOS Notes app and typed in the names. The next day, I reported back, “So…I wrote down 30 names…” Them: “Gary pack your damn bags and stop playing!” They were right. When I decided to move to NYC in 2014, I probably had the friend equivalent of a third of that list who lived in the Big Apple. That didn’t stop me from moving. In fact, after settling in Brooklyn, I was able to build up a large tribe rather quickly. Why should I believe I can’t do that again…in another city? Besides, while I tend to be selectively social, I am still a homebody at heart. Do I actually need to have a lot of friends in a city I live in?
[CatchGifUcan’s log - February 17, 2023]: Since finalizing my relocation plans, there have been certain things about NYC that have started to bother me, that I either didn’t mind before, or just didn’t pay attention to. I also rarely take the subways anymore and taking car share services all around Manhattan and Brooklyn are proving to be very costly. This was confirmation that mentally, I’m ready to go. I’m ready for a bit of a softer life.
Anyway, why did I ultimately decide I was going to move? Well…it’s a combination of two things. 1) It makes sense for my job and my career, and 2) I am ready for a change and a new adventure.
Look at the date. I was pressed, right?
In the Fall of 2022, I finally decided I was going to move and officially started putting things into place. Aside from folks at my job, there are very few that I told at that time. Why? Because I didn’t want any feedback on why I shouldn’t move, and I also didn’t want to be overwhelmed with suggestions, recommendations and other unsolicited information. This was going to be a huge change for me, and I wanted to take things at my own pace. In fact, I didn’t even mention the possibility of moving to my manager until I was sure it was something I wanted to do. Once I did mention it, however, it was a pretty quick resolution that it made sense for me and for the business, and plans were put into place right away.
[CatchGifUcan’s log - March 9, 2023]: I’m on my flight back to New York from a short home-finding trip I took to LA before I finally move in two weeks. I found a great place in West Hollywood that screams, “Welcome to LA, Gary,” ordered a new car, and I dropped off my puppy with some friends so that he’s settled in his new city while I tie up loose ends in NY for a couple weeks. It’s happening.
I will be further away from most of my family, but if I’m 100% honest, I am more financially secure than when I initially started worrying about these things almost a decade ago. I can afford to go home for the holidays, or just to visit when I want or need to. If I ever get tired of living in LA, I can move. I have come to grips with the fact that when I make certain decisions they are not one-way door decisions (shout out to Amazonians who caught that). It doesn’t have to be permanent unless I want it to.
[CatchGifUcan’s log - March 18, 2023 - 1:11 AM]: My Harlem apartment is bare and my household items are already on their way to LA. My plan was to quietly slip out of NYC in the morning without making a big fuss. Some of my friends weren’t having that. We spent all night in Brooklyn eating, drinking, and laughing. Not one person made me feel bad about my decision. In fact, they were congratulatory and already planning their future visits. It was a great evening of confirmation.
I’ll definitely miss living in New York. I feel pride in being able to say I moved from the suburbs of Virginia and thrived in a city that intimidates and chews up so many. It’s prepared me for this next phase in my life. Nine years, three jobs, three apartments, and a countless number of connections later, I’m ready for what’s next.
“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere.”
I hope you’re right, Frank.